Coming Out - Alex Strangelove and Man in an Orange Shirt

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to speak with "Call Me By Your Name" producer Peter Spears for a piece I was writing about Queer Cinema.  I asked him which Queer films had made an impact on him through the years, and he began with a film I had never heard of.

"I remember sneaking out with a friend of mine from high school to go see--we said we were going to see one movie--but she and I, she later came out as a lesbian, we snuck into see the movie "Making Love" with Harry Hamlin and Kate Jackson...I don't know if you know that. I don't know how old you are."

"I'm 41."

"Ok, well I'm 52 so that's a little before your time, but it was sort of a first depiction of a gay guy, you know- the guy's married and he ends up leaving his wife - the guy is Michael Ontkean - who leaves Kate Jackson for Harry Hamlin...but Harry Hamlin's life is depicted as one of casual hookups and not on a par with a heteronormative marriage. It was there--sort of acknowledged that gay life was there--but was not making a judgment .... and then there was that great movie that I really love..."Beautiful Thing." 

"I just rewatched it a couple of days ago, for this piece because that's the one that I remember being the first one that really struck a chord with me," I responded.

I have always been drawn to coming of age/coming out stories like "Beautiful Thing." Could it be because my own coming out was by no means a cinematic fairy tale?

I had said to friends for years that I didn't think it was necessary to tell my family I was gay. Why should I? It's none of their business.

"But if they ask, I will tell them."

What a convenient loophole. Until it wasn't.

I was 24 years old and living in Omaha, NE where I was playing Teen Angel in a local production of "Grease." I was getting ready to head to the theater when Mom called from Mississippi and asked the question.

"Do you really want to know the answer to that Mother?"

That was all the answer she needed. She said some words, I said some words, and I hung up on her.

I raced to the theatre--completely and utterly hysterical. The producer of the show happened to be in the lobby when I arrived in tears. I briefly explained what happened, she walked over to the bar, flung a snifter of cognac in my face, pushed me up the backstage stairs for my angelic entrance...and I sang my song. After that I don't remember much other than the fact that I lost my voice for two weeks.

It took another 14 years for us to really come to terms with that phone conversation, and I almost had to die to get there.

I've been thinking a lot about my coming out and "coming out films" partly because it's Pride, but also because coming out stories seem to have made a comeback.

After a Best Picture winner ("Moonlight") and nominee ("Call Me By Your Name") where no one  mentions being gay much less comes out, we were treated to Greg Berlanti's "Love, Simon," lauded as the first major studio release of a queer teen romance.

I watched it again a few days ago, and although I still found Simon's internalized homophobia a bit off putting, it makes a bit more sense to me in context of my memories of being in the closet.

Just last week we got another, even better teen coming out story, "Alex Strangelove" and tonight, "Man in An Orange Shirt" premieres.

On the surface, "Alex Strangelove" (written and directed by Craig Johnson) is not that different from other coming out stories. Alex is a quirky virgin who meets the "perfect girl" with whom he plans to lose his virginity. Things get complicated when Alex meets Elliot, the gay kid from the "other side of town," and starts questioning his sexual identity.

So much has changed in the LGBTQ community in the past few years. Or maybe our understanding of what it actually means to be Queer has evolved. There is a scene where Alex tells his best friend Dell (played hilariously by Daniel Zolghadri) that he thinks he might be bisexual, to which Dell (who thinks Alex is straight) tries to explain where Alex's questioning might be coming from.

"Look, it's a confusing time man. I mean everywhere you look someone is omnisexual or polyamorous or gender queer or...transitioning into god knows what....It's like Mad Max out here...guys doing guys, girls doing girls...not that I object to that...girls turning into guys and doing girls that used to do girls and guys. AGH. Isn't anyone just plain straight anymore?"

I've watched my fair share of LGBTQ cinema over the years, and this monologue, in its sincere, innocent and satirical way hits the queer zeitgeist right on the nose.

In addition to moments like that, we have the incredible chemistry between Daniel Doheny (Alex) and Antonio Marziale (Elliot). The film is funny and sexy, familiar and new. I hope that you will check it out if you haven't already.



In "Man in an Orange Shirt," directed by Fergus O'Brien, the first act focuses on Michael and Thomas, two British soldiers who fall in love in the final days of World War II.

After their whirlwind post war romance, Michael (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) wants to cling to the norms of heterosexuality while Thomas (James McArdle) embraces flamboyant scarves and gay sex.

When Flora, Michael's wife, discovers through love letters that he had more than a friendship with Thomas, she burns them in a fit of rage. She is utterly disgusted but continues on with the marriage for the sake of their child. After trying to deny it for years they concoct a deal of sorts, but Flora never really accepts the truth. 

In present day Act II, Flora (now played by Vanessa Redgrave) is now the Grandmother of Adam played impeccably by Julian Morris.  Adam is out in the cyber world, hooking up with guy after guy on "Gruff" (I guess that's a Grindr/Scruff combo), but remains closeted in the real world. Until he meets Steve.

Adam is torn between his feelings for Steve and his addiction to anonymous sex, which plays out perfectly against his questioning of whether or not to come out to his Grandmother.



Both "Alex Strangelove" and "Man in an Orange Shirt" manage to say something completely new about what it means to come out in today's world. And although it's certainly a different time than when I came out 18 years ago, these films remind us that the challenges are still the same.

"Alex Strangelove" is currently playing on Netflix
"Man in an Orange Shirt" airs on MASTERPIECE on June 17 at 9/8c